Forgiveness Isn’t Optional, But It Isn’t Always Easy
10/15/2026
There are some things in life that are much easier to talk about than to actually do. Forgiveness is one of them. We can sit in church on Sunday morning, hear a message about forgiving others, nod our heads in agreement, and even say amen. But then Monday comes, and we find ourselves face-to-face with someone who has hurt us, betrayed our trust, or said something that cut deeper than they will ever know. Suddenly, forgiveness isn’t just a biblical principle. It’s personal. And sometimes, it’s downright difficult.
“bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.“
- Colossians 3:13 ESV
Paul wrote these words to the church in Colossae as part of a larger conversation about what it looks like to live as someone who belongs to Jesus. Just a few verses earlier, he tells believers to put away anger, wrath, malice, slander, and dishonesty. Then, beginning in verse 12, he tells them what they should put on instead: compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.
And right in the middle of those instructions, he brings up forgiveness.
I don’t think that’s accidental.
You see, it’s relatively easy to be compassionate toward someone who treats us well. It’s not terribly difficult to be patient with someone who agrees with us. But what happens when someone disappoints us? What happens when a friend breaks a confidence, a family member says something hurtful, or someone we trusted lets us down?
That’s when these qualities are tested.
Notice that Paul begins by saying we are to bear with one another. I love that he includes those words because they acknowledge something we sometimes forget: people can be difficult. And that includes us.
We’re going to frustrate one another. We’re going to misunderstand each other. Sometimes we’ll say things we shouldn’t, and other times we’ll fail to say the things we should. Relationships between imperfect people are going to have imperfect moments.
Paul isn’t telling us to pretend those things don’t happen. He’s telling us how to respond when they do.
But then he takes it a step further.
He doesn’t simply tell us to forgive. He gives us the standard by which we are to forgive.
As the Lord has forgiven you.
Now that’s where things get uncomfortable.
Because when I think about how much God has forgiven me, I realize that I have received a level of mercy I could never earn and certainly don’t deserve.
God didn’t wait until I had everything figured out. He didn’t require me to clean up every part of my life before extending His grace. Through Jesus Christ, He made forgiveness available when I had absolutely no way of paying the debt myself.
And Paul says that’s the forgiveness we’re supposed to extend to others.
Not because they necessarily deserve it.
Not because they’ve apologized perfectly.
Not even because they’ve acknowledged the damage they’ve done.
But because we’ve already been shown extraordinary mercy ourselves.
There’s something else about forgiveness that I think we need to understand. Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing.
Forgiveness is something we can choose to extend, even when the other person refuses to acknowledge what happened. Reconciliation, however, requires something from both people. It requires honesty, repentance, and a willingness to rebuild what was damaged.
And sometimes, even after forgiveness has been extended, trust takes time to restore.
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean what they did was acceptable. It doesn’t mean we have to pretend it never happened. And it certainly doesn’t mean we should continually place ourselves in situations where someone can hurt or abuse us.
Healthy boundaries and a forgiving heart can exist together.
But here’s where I believe many of us struggle.
We hold on to the offense because somewhere deep inside, we believe that letting go means the other person gets away with what they did.
We replay conversations in our minds. We rehearse what we wish we had said. We imagine the day when they’ll finally understand how much they hurt us.
And before long, something that happened months or even years ago is still influencing how we live today.
The person who hurt us may have moved on, but we’re still carrying the weight of what happened.
That’s a heavy burden.
And I don’t believe God ever intended for us to carry it indefinitely.
When we forgive, we’re not declaring the offense insignificant. We’re surrendering our right to personally settle the score. We’re trusting that God sees what happened, knows the truth, and is perfectly capable of dealing with things we cannot control.
Romans 12:19 reminds us that vengeance belongs to the Lord. That doesn’t eliminate accountability or appropriate consequences, but it does free us from believing that justice depends entirely upon us.
And sometimes forgiveness isn’t a one-time decision.
Sometimes you forgive someone today, and tomorrow something reminds you of what happened. The hurt comes rushing back, and you find yourself wrestling with the same emotions all over again.
That doesn’t necessarily mean you failed to forgive.
It may simply mean the wound is still healing.
When those feelings return, we can choose again not to nurture bitterness or seek revenge. We can bring the pain back to God and ask Him to continue the work He’s already begun in our hearts.
There’s one more thing I want us to consider.
Paul wrote this instruction to believers living in community with one another. He wasn’t simply addressing our relationships with people outside the church. He was talking about how Christians should treat other Christians.
And sometimes those are the relationships where forgiveness is most difficult.
We expect more from people who share our faith. We expect them to know better, act differently, and demonstrate the love of Christ. So when they disappoint us, the hurt can run especially deep.
But the church was never meant to be a gathering of people who never hurt one another. It’s a family of imperfect people learning to become more like Jesus.
And families need forgiveness.
A lot of it.
Think about this for a moment. What would happen in our homes, our friendships, and our churches if we became as intentional about extending grace as we sometimes are about keeping track of offenses?
What would change if we spent less time rehearsing what someone did to us and more time remembering what Jesus has done for us?
I suspect some relationships would begin to heal. Some conversations that have been avoided for years might finally take place. And some hearts that have been carrying bitterness would begin to experience freedom.
That doesn’t mean every relationship will be restored. Sometimes the other person simply isn’t willing.
But our obedience to Christ doesn’t have to depend upon someone else’s willingness to change.
Forgiveness is not saying that what happened was okay. It’s choosing not to let what happened have the final word over your heart.
And perhaps the greatest reminder in this entire passage is that God never asks us to extend a kind of forgiveness that He hasn’t already demonstrated toward us.
We forgive because we’ve been forgiven.
And when we struggle to do that, we can ask the One who forgave us to give us the strength to forgive someone else.
Action Steps
1. Identify what you’re still carrying. Is there someone whose words or actions continue to stir up anger, resentment, or bitterness? Be honest with God about the hurt instead of pretending it doesn’t exist.
2. Pray for the person who hurt you. This may be difficult, especially if the wound is fresh. You don’t have to manufacture warm feelings. Simply ask God to work in their life and to continue healing your own heart.
3. Choose one step toward freedom. That might mean having an honest conversation, releasing a grudge, establishing a healthy boundary, or deciding that you’re no longer going to rehearse the offense every time it comes to mind.
Challenge for the Day
Think of one person you’ve struggled to forgive. Before the day ends, spend five minutes praying for them by name. Ask God to help you release the bitterness, even if the hurt hasn’t completely healed. Don’t wait until you feel like forgiving to begin choosing forgiveness.
Prayer
Father, thank You for the forgiveness You’ve given me through Jesus. I know I haven’t earned it, and yet You continue to show me mercy and grace. Lord, You know the hurts I’ve carried, the disappointments I’ve experienced, and the people I’ve struggled to forgive. Help me release the bitterness without pretending the pain wasn’t real. Give me wisdom to know when reconciliation is possible and courage to establish boundaries when they’re needed. Most of all, help me extend the same grace to others that You’ve so generously extended to me. I don’t want yesterday’s hurt to rob me of today’s peace. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Pastor Jeff
#LoveGod #LovePeople #FindFreedom #FindYourDesign
There are some things in life that are much easier to talk about than to actually do. Forgiveness is one of them. We can sit in church on Sunday morning, hear a message about forgiving others, nod our heads in agreement, and even say amen. But then Monday comes, and we find ourselves face-to-face with someone who has hurt us, betrayed our trust, or said something that cut deeper than they will ever know. Suddenly, forgiveness isn’t just a biblical principle. It’s personal. And sometimes, it’s downright difficult.
“bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.“
- Colossians 3:13 ESV
Paul wrote these words to the church in Colossae as part of a larger conversation about what it looks like to live as someone who belongs to Jesus. Just a few verses earlier, he tells believers to put away anger, wrath, malice, slander, and dishonesty. Then, beginning in verse 12, he tells them what they should put on instead: compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.
And right in the middle of those instructions, he brings up forgiveness.
I don’t think that’s accidental.
You see, it’s relatively easy to be compassionate toward someone who treats us well. It’s not terribly difficult to be patient with someone who agrees with us. But what happens when someone disappoints us? What happens when a friend breaks a confidence, a family member says something hurtful, or someone we trusted lets us down?
That’s when these qualities are tested.
Notice that Paul begins by saying we are to bear with one another. I love that he includes those words because they acknowledge something we sometimes forget: people can be difficult. And that includes us.
We’re going to frustrate one another. We’re going to misunderstand each other. Sometimes we’ll say things we shouldn’t, and other times we’ll fail to say the things we should. Relationships between imperfect people are going to have imperfect moments.
Paul isn’t telling us to pretend those things don’t happen. He’s telling us how to respond when they do.
But then he takes it a step further.
He doesn’t simply tell us to forgive. He gives us the standard by which we are to forgive.
As the Lord has forgiven you.
Now that’s where things get uncomfortable.
Because when I think about how much God has forgiven me, I realize that I have received a level of mercy I could never earn and certainly don’t deserve.
God didn’t wait until I had everything figured out. He didn’t require me to clean up every part of my life before extending His grace. Through Jesus Christ, He made forgiveness available when I had absolutely no way of paying the debt myself.
And Paul says that’s the forgiveness we’re supposed to extend to others.
Not because they necessarily deserve it.
Not because they’ve apologized perfectly.
Not even because they’ve acknowledged the damage they’ve done.
But because we’ve already been shown extraordinary mercy ourselves.
There’s something else about forgiveness that I think we need to understand. Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing.
Forgiveness is something we can choose to extend, even when the other person refuses to acknowledge what happened. Reconciliation, however, requires something from both people. It requires honesty, repentance, and a willingness to rebuild what was damaged.
And sometimes, even after forgiveness has been extended, trust takes time to restore.
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean what they did was acceptable. It doesn’t mean we have to pretend it never happened. And it certainly doesn’t mean we should continually place ourselves in situations where someone can hurt or abuse us.
Healthy boundaries and a forgiving heart can exist together.
But here’s where I believe many of us struggle.
We hold on to the offense because somewhere deep inside, we believe that letting go means the other person gets away with what they did.
We replay conversations in our minds. We rehearse what we wish we had said. We imagine the day when they’ll finally understand how much they hurt us.
And before long, something that happened months or even years ago is still influencing how we live today.
The person who hurt us may have moved on, but we’re still carrying the weight of what happened.
That’s a heavy burden.
And I don’t believe God ever intended for us to carry it indefinitely.
When we forgive, we’re not declaring the offense insignificant. We’re surrendering our right to personally settle the score. We’re trusting that God sees what happened, knows the truth, and is perfectly capable of dealing with things we cannot control.
Romans 12:19 reminds us that vengeance belongs to the Lord. That doesn’t eliminate accountability or appropriate consequences, but it does free us from believing that justice depends entirely upon us.
And sometimes forgiveness isn’t a one-time decision.
Sometimes you forgive someone today, and tomorrow something reminds you of what happened. The hurt comes rushing back, and you find yourself wrestling with the same emotions all over again.
That doesn’t necessarily mean you failed to forgive.
It may simply mean the wound is still healing.
When those feelings return, we can choose again not to nurture bitterness or seek revenge. We can bring the pain back to God and ask Him to continue the work He’s already begun in our hearts.
There’s one more thing I want us to consider.
Paul wrote this instruction to believers living in community with one another. He wasn’t simply addressing our relationships with people outside the church. He was talking about how Christians should treat other Christians.
And sometimes those are the relationships where forgiveness is most difficult.
We expect more from people who share our faith. We expect them to know better, act differently, and demonstrate the love of Christ. So when they disappoint us, the hurt can run especially deep.
But the church was never meant to be a gathering of people who never hurt one another. It’s a family of imperfect people learning to become more like Jesus.
And families need forgiveness.
A lot of it.
Think about this for a moment. What would happen in our homes, our friendships, and our churches if we became as intentional about extending grace as we sometimes are about keeping track of offenses?
What would change if we spent less time rehearsing what someone did to us and more time remembering what Jesus has done for us?
I suspect some relationships would begin to heal. Some conversations that have been avoided for years might finally take place. And some hearts that have been carrying bitterness would begin to experience freedom.
That doesn’t mean every relationship will be restored. Sometimes the other person simply isn’t willing.
But our obedience to Christ doesn’t have to depend upon someone else’s willingness to change.
Forgiveness is not saying that what happened was okay. It’s choosing not to let what happened have the final word over your heart.
And perhaps the greatest reminder in this entire passage is that God never asks us to extend a kind of forgiveness that He hasn’t already demonstrated toward us.
We forgive because we’ve been forgiven.
And when we struggle to do that, we can ask the One who forgave us to give us the strength to forgive someone else.
Action Steps
1. Identify what you’re still carrying. Is there someone whose words or actions continue to stir up anger, resentment, or bitterness? Be honest with God about the hurt instead of pretending it doesn’t exist.
2. Pray for the person who hurt you. This may be difficult, especially if the wound is fresh. You don’t have to manufacture warm feelings. Simply ask God to work in their life and to continue healing your own heart.
3. Choose one step toward freedom. That might mean having an honest conversation, releasing a grudge, establishing a healthy boundary, or deciding that you’re no longer going to rehearse the offense every time it comes to mind.
Challenge for the Day
Think of one person you’ve struggled to forgive. Before the day ends, spend five minutes praying for them by name. Ask God to help you release the bitterness, even if the hurt hasn’t completely healed. Don’t wait until you feel like forgiving to begin choosing forgiveness.
Prayer
Father, thank You for the forgiveness You’ve given me through Jesus. I know I haven’t earned it, and yet You continue to show me mercy and grace. Lord, You know the hurts I’ve carried, the disappointments I’ve experienced, and the people I’ve struggled to forgive. Help me release the bitterness without pretending the pain wasn’t real. Give me wisdom to know when reconciliation is possible and courage to establish boundaries when they’re needed. Most of all, help me extend the same grace to others that You’ve so generously extended to me. I don’t want yesterday’s hurt to rob me of today’s peace. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Pastor Jeff
#LoveGod #LovePeople #FindFreedom #FindYourDesign
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